Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me the News

I'm sick. The symptoms aren't flu-y, swine or otherwise. They're just cold-y. Still, it's knocked my legs out from under me. What's worse, I fully admit that I'm intolerable when I'm sick. I'm impatient, demanding, self-pitying... it's not pretty. If I'm miserable, someone else should be miserable as well - that's my thinking. So for today, my blog entry is my list of who I think ought to be taking care of my in my misery:
The boys from "Seattle" Grace Hospital can fetch for me. Neither of them are allowed to talk, and no one is allowed to use the prefix "Mc-" for anything. Eric Dane must be dressed only in a towel. And did I mention Patrick Dempsey is not allowed to talk? "Dr. Eric, Dr. Patrick, get me some tomato soup!"
The Bachelor-turned-one-of-The Doctors, Travis Stork, can take my temperature. He, however, must wear a stethoscope around his neck... and nothing else. "Sure, Dr. Travis, put your stick here in my mouth for me to roll around under my tongue."
John C. McGinley can rub my feet, but only in the character of Dr. Perry Cox yelling insults at Eric Dane and Patrick Dempsey as they fetch for me. "That's the spot, Dr. Cox..."
Similarly, Robert Maschio can fluff my... pillow, but only in the character of The Todd. "No I can't high-five you, Todd, but you can smack Eric Dane's ass (hard) when he walks by."
And since this is my illness-induced fantasy, I get to go old school. Mark Harmon (St. Elsewhere) and Gregory Harrison (Trapper John, M.D.) need to be here for the sponge baths. Their four hands, a warm sponge, and my naked body... "A little lower, Dr. Gregory..."
Finally, I want my favorite doctor of all to actually be in charge of my health care. I'm highly suspicious of doctors and their suspect credentials, so only the best will do. "My runny nose and the rest of my body are in your hands, Doctor..."

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