Sunday, October 18, 2009

More Mr. Muscles

Tellumyort has posted another match (in 4 parts, starting here) of classic muscleboy Johnny England. I was a little bored with "Mr. Muscles" after the first couple of matches I saw, but he's growing on me. He's less about the character and more about some impressive ring action in this match against neon green-clad "judo" fighter Pat Patton. Johnny is a really delicious bully in his boot tassles and floppy long hair. He entirely physically dominates his opponent. Patton's full bodyweight planted across Johnny's shoulders can't keep the strong man on his back. Johnny's bread and butter in this match is a double handed slap to the chest that sends Patton flying across the ring over and over and over again.
I'm really not a fan of deceptive screen caps that mislead one into thinking there's something sexual happening when it's just a random frame frozen in time. But these two maintain this position (Patton's head against Johnny's lower abdomen and his hand between Johnny's thighs, squeezing his ass) for several seconds, and the hoots and whistles from the crowd make me think that I'm not the only one recognizing that this is more than just a little erotic.

Johnny quickly follows up by slamming his man to his back and then dropping his ass across Patton's upper chest (leaving Pat with a telephoto view of that athletic butt). Johnny straddles Patton's chest repeatedly in this match, planting his ass right in front of Patton's nose more than once in nice overtones of humiliation/sexual domination.
As ALWAYS, the commentary is thinly disguised body worship. The commentator takes pains to describe Johnny's "powerful arms" and worshipfully makes note of Johnny's "very powerful biceps." He has a hint of reverie in his voice as he marvels at Johnny's "powerful legs... a weight lifter's legs." When Patton is clearly totally outclassed by Johnny's strength, the commentator sounds like he almost pities him, as he's "up against a very powerful opponent, giving away a lot of strength advantage here...." With awestruck emphasis, he marvels that "he is such a strong fellow!" And clearly enjoying Johnny's post-fall display of domination, the commentator swoons just a little when he explains, "A great physical culturist, this fella... He's got to use his strength and pose a little on occasions." Yes. Yes. He's just got to.

While bully Mr. Muscles' bread and butter here is his brutal chest slap, by far his most impressive display of total domination is his repeated use of the torture rack. Holy crap! Over and over he powers Patton helplessly up to his shoulders, parades around the ring, then flings him face-first into the turnbuckle. Fan-freaking-tastic!

Neon green boy, Patton, acts like he's all put out by Johnny's savagery and ring-smart use of the ropes, but I think Patton is secretly enjoying getting owned by the strongman. Immediately after Johnny powers out of Patton's full nelson as if it were child's play, he applies a tit-for-tat full nelson on the green boy. When Pat can't break out of Johnny's vicelike full nelson, he drive his ass over and over again into Johnny's crotch. Yep. That's the type of wrestling I'm into!
Even the ref cops an entirely gratuitous and unnecessary feel of Johnny's pec.
And finally, Johnny's use of the figure-4 choke throughout the match is priceless. Squeezing Patton's head against his crotch like a melon, Johnny looks like he's enjoying the moment of total head-to-crotch (including one very nice face-to-crotch) control. Even the commentator can't help but allude to the very intimate action happening in the ring. "Johnny England going for that... very close... figure-4 head scissors."
It's fascinating to look back nearly 30 years and see what a "physical culturalist" looked like then, as compared with the muscleboys in the ring today. Johnny England would look like a munchkin doughboy next to the likes of John Cena or even Randy Orton. Nevertheless, Johnny's got my number. I believe him when he muscles his man around like a rag doll. And I'm totally turned on by his narcissist, heel, dominating ring persona.

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