Saturday, October 10, 2009

What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

Arnold Schwarzenegger, who would later become Governor of California, turned me gay. I discovered the wonder of Arnold when I was a kid and got the Guinness Book of World Records, paperback edition, in the late 70's. There was a black and white photo of a young Arnold, which Guinness designated as having "what many believed to be" the most perfectly developed body. The mixture of stunning muscleboy, the body worship aspect of being designated as the most perfectly developed body, and the cocky narcissism of Arnold smiling back at us as we worshipped his body - all of it was like a spell woven over my head, and *poof* ... I was gay.
When Conan the Barbarian came along, I was just entering adolescence and totally ready to lap up some of Arnold's big screen loveliness. I was not disappointed. Plenty of shiny, massively muscled skin shots everywhere. Lot's of muscle-on-muscle fight scenes thrilled my budding wrestling-fetishist heart. One scene of Arnold bound to a tree in the middle of the desert (was that Barbarian or Destroyer?) gave me a booster shot of bondage kink to add to my gayness.
Terminator, on the other hand, was disappointing. Not nearly enough skin. As a gay kid paying the price of admission primarily to adore Arnold, Terminator did not deliver.
It was around that time that I tracked down a copy of Pumping Iron. Holy hell, I was into bodybuilders. The "behind-the-scenes" aspect of Pumping Iron was highly erotic for me. But despite getting some nice, intimate shots of Arnold and other stunning bodybeautifuls, Arnold came across as such an ass in Pumping Iron, I found him distinctly less attractive.

When Terminator 2 hit the screens, my infatuation had waned considerably. Even with more skin, T2 didn't reignite that initial awe I once had for Arnold. Then a young Robert Patrick appeared on screen in a flash... slender, fit, graceful, and literally butt-naked. And my gay universe expanded by leaps and bounds. No longer was I limited to muscleheads to turn my crank. The wonders of other body types began opening up for me (figuratively).
So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Republican Governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger turned me gay. He bears considerable blame for my infatuation with mucleboys and body worship. And even though I outgrew Arnold, he opened up a wonderful world of lustful admiration of all sorts of men's bodies. Thanks, Arnold.

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