Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Confession and Kink


It's not like I go around discussing my wrestling kink with everyone I meet. I consider myself pretty blunt, but I certainly disclose much more to all of you perfect strangers than I do among the people I see every day. The public confession of sexual desire has been made commonplace by the shrinking world in which we live, facilitated by instantly gratifying technology like the internet. But why do I write what I write in this blog, and why do you read it?
Someone who recently signed up to read my homoerotic wrestling fiction explained his interest by simply writing, "I thought I was the only one!" First, that's an excellent answer. Second, I think the public confession of sexual desire has that function of allowing people to recognize common interests (and kinks) and discover a sense of community that perhaps they weren't aware of before. Perhaps you read a blog about someone's personal gay wrestling fetish because you catch a glimpse of yourself.
But why do I write it? Have you ever just had something that you needed to tell someone? Have you ever found yourself feeling more genuinely yourself for saying out loud (or writing publicly) something that gives you joy? I also write this blog because the process of writing each day teaches me new insights about who I am and what I'm passionate about.
In honor of my favorite poststructuralist pornboy and homoerotic wrestler, Derek da Silva, I feel compelled to also mention the insights of Michel Foucault. Foucault argued that the confession of sexual desire not only illustrates for people their shared sexual desires and identities. Foucault argued that it's titillating to confess and to hear someone's confession. The act of talking about what turns you on and gets you off becomes its own form of sexual fetish. And the act of witnessing someone's confession of sexual desire can also become its own kink.
I tend to think all of the above are at play in why I write and why you read my ramblings about my wrestling kink and musings about the beautiful men I lust after. In the end, whatever else it all means, it's nice to discover that you're not alone. It's nice to know that whatever silences may fill up your daily life, there's still a place where the words you want to say are spoken and heard.

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