Tuesday, January 5, 2010

The Endless Jobber


Yesterday's post sparked some interesting conversation. It also got me to thinking about all the jobbers that have caught my eye as I've fed my wrestling kink. Despite my proposition yesterday that every jobber should have his day, it did occur to me that there are, perhaps, a very select few jobbers that I never tire of seeing crushed. It may irk some of you to hear me now say that even I have a pantheon of jobber gods who, perhaps, I might never get bored with. If reconsideration of my argument yesterday irritates you, please refer to my standing opinion on consistency.
Wrestling Arsenal describes Kenny Kendall as "everyone's favorite jobber." Somehow I feel less special now. I always came to attention when Kenny climbed into the ring. He possessed a sweet (sweet, sweet, sweet) body, and every time there was the introductory close-up, I was captured by Kenny's handsome face. I can't remember ever seeing a match that Kenny won. He wasn't always squashed, but as far as I remember, he was always beaten nearly unconscious.
Kenny's trunks were always a distraction to me. He inevitably wore them a size too small and riding up his ass crack. As if his meaty glutes weren't eye-catching enough, Kenny inevitably ended up on his hands and knees with his ass lifted high off the mat.
As far as I can remember, I never got tired of seeing Kenny get the shit kicked out of him. He suffered sweetly, and frankly I always thought he could probably do a job for days. Sadly, he was often in the ring with significantly out of shape heels who, I have to imagine, get the blame for so manny Kenny jobs being tragically short. As long as Kenny wore those crevice-cradling trunks with the double "K" stitched like grandma's sampler on his left cheek, then sure... I'm okay with seeing Kenny endlessly job.
Wracking my twisted brain, I can't say that there are many more jobber gods who could make it into my pantheon of endless jobberhood. Perhap the BG East's Muscle Mask might qualify, if he had a longer career to consider. As JoshH commented yesterday, there's something simply mouth-watering about the image of a stunningly muscled man like Muscle Mask being manhandled. The mask may be blurring my objectivity here, though. I'm a sucker for a hardbody in a wrestling mask, any day of the week.
So Kenny Kendall is definitely drinking ambrosia on Mt. Jobber-Olympus. Muscle Mask has yet to fight some more Titans before he can definitely join Kenny in the pantheon of eternal jobber delights. I'll continue to consider who else might be worthy of jobber-deity status (feel free to help me out).

5 comments:

  1. Another insightful post on my favorite subject: the hot, muscular hunk who consistently loses in the ring. Kenny Kendall was a particularly appealing performer for me. I'm in my late 20s now, so his brief tenure at WCW (approximately 1991-1995) coincided with my sexual awakening. I'm not saying he made me gay, but he damn sure helped verify it.

    A lot of the things you said about him appealed to me, too. The exceptional good looks and impressive body by pro wrestling standards, the skintight trunks that seemed notably incapable of containing his ample assets, the consistent booking that usually had him losing to blatantly out of shape men. I've always thought the main difference between WCW, based in the south, and WWF, based in the north, was the pronounced tendancy of southern men to promote and fetishize softer, more "average" bodies as the pinnacle of the male form. WCW simply never built a single good looking muscular guy into a big star. The ones they had either came to the company as a name from another area (Rick Rude, Zenk, Pillman) or essentially had to "hide" their looks behind paint and a gimmick (Sting). I was stunned the first time I saw Kendall and Bob Emory cutting promos and wrestling full matches in smaller, local feds (USWA), and realized they actually could talk as well as wrestle, better than a lot of WCW names. The only reason neither got pushed, IMO, was the fragile male egos of WCW promoters simply didn't want to promote someone who looked like that.

    Anyway, Kendall is the main reason I started writing wrestling stories and scripts as a kid. Initially, I simply wrote what I wanted to see. As I matured, I realized I was simply replacing the context of WCW/WWE wrestling with elements more in line with my world. I call it my "What if..." phase. What if fans specifically wanted to see hot guys jobbing. What if a guy could make 100, 250, 500K a year doing it? What if the FCC was far less restrictive in what people could show and wear on television? What would a wrestling show look like in that world?

    The first time I saw a BGE match (Ultraheels 1, Brad Rochelle thrashed by Psycho Capone, it was a revelation, precisely because it hit so many of the elements I thought a match in that world would have: the exceptionally hot guy in minimal gear you know is in over his head vs. the experienced and nearly fully clothed vet well known for beating people up. Brad's match with the Enforcer is almost the pinnacle of that type of match, given its context of starting with Brad already beaten, lashed to the ropes, then reviving, limping out and walking smack dab into the boot of a fresh opponent who had no purpose beyond making him suffer. I think the picture of the Enforcer kneeing Brad in the gut on your last post is iconic, captures the totality of the match in a single moment.

    But on your final question, who along with Kenny Kendall is worthy of jobber-deity status, I'd add Brad Rochelle, Troy Baker (not the most capable seller, but his look and image was so strong it didn't matter), Bob Emory, and, for a brief period, Evan Karagias. I can imagine Rio Garza will ultimately make the list (when was the last time a covermodel from a fitness mag went the wrestling route?), but time will tell.

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  2. another great post....... and another great comment from josh. i loved the masked matches too, especially when one dude gets unmasked.

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  3. JoshH - I'm with you every step of the way. The Brad/Enforcer match is such an ownership match is truly a pristine moment of the delights of jobberhood. The Enforcer is so quiet, I'm wanting to hear him verbally dominate. But he so completely physically dominates, his devastation of broken-Brad speaks abundantly clear! Brad's performance throughout the first few Contracts strikes me as sincerely generous.

    I could see Brad in the pantheon of eternal jobbers, but I really do like the more recent work he did selling his heel turn. His whimpering is absolutely fantastic, though. It always satisfies. Troy Baker could suffer his way into the pantheon if he either 1) sold better or, 2) suffered some more explicit ownership/body worship. Either factor could've made it happen for me. Bob Emory is, without question, a jobber deity. Excellent call. I hadn't even thought of Evan Karagias, but you are so right! In brief trunks, he could hold my attention (and anything else) getting pounded indefinitely. His character development totally lost me, but those early moments were jobber-gold. Regarding Rio, I'm sincerely hopeful. My comments regarding Troy apply to Rio, as well, but hopefully Rio will have many more opportunities to hone his jobber skills. Time will, indeed, tell.

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  4. Good comments all around and thanks for the specific compliments (here and on my descriptions for BGE). Sorry my response was so long! I kinda had the window open in the background while I was (pretending to) work.

    On Troy Baker, I freely admit his is a very specific appeal to me. Personally, I rate him among the best jobbers of all time, but I fully understand why someone else, even one who likes blond bodybuilders getting beaten, might not. I've always thought that if a guy really wanted to be one of the top jobbers at a gay company, he'd need to do two things: 1) hit the gym hard, and 2) simply learn how to say "No more, no more..." with just a slight iota of believability.

    That was one of the factors of the Brad Rochelle/Psycho Capone match I've mentioned (Ultraheels 1) that really hit me. Brad was very expressive, even vigorously so, about admitting Psycho had utterly beaten him. There's one point where Psycho rolls Brad onto his back, pins him, and pulls him up before the easy "3," and Brad begs/moans, "It's over. Enough. Enou-hu-hough." And instead of stopping, Psycho seems to get more charged, immediately pulls him up for a series of three well executed (and well sold) clotheslines. It surprises me how rare scenes like that are in gay-oriented wrestling these days.

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  5. Bob Emory ftw, in my book. It was 1988, I think, when that first vision appeared on my television screen - of Bob's head being unceremoniously stuffed into Jake the Snake's sack, and thereafter, of Jake's python slithering its way down the length of Bob's prone, muscled body. It's an image that's seared itself into my consciousness, and Bob's matches continue to arouse the kundalini instinct in me, twenty years down the line.

    Josh - thank you for your comments. Would you be able to tell us more about the USWA matches which featured Bob and Kenny Kendall? I recall seeing Bob going up against Larry Cameron in a Calgary Stampede match, and that match featured a short pre- and post-match interview, but unfortunately that was the one and only time that I had the pleasure of hearing him speak.

    Bard - thank you for a great blog that celebrates the homoerotic dimension of wrestling in such fine prose!

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