Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I Need a Hero

Did you catch Anderson Cooper
rushing in to pull an injured child to safety in a violent confrontation in Haiti? Anderson is one lickably handsome man, and he's always had a conscience to go with a healthy sense of humor. But he swoops in like a superhero to rescue injured children? Good God. How much of a good little boy can this gay man be!?
I think the world could use a fresh, new, gay superhero. Like Clark Kent, Anderson could easily be the mild-mannered, boy scout newsman who, when faced with a crisis, rips off his clothes and swoops in to save the day. Yes, ripping off his clothes really is an essential component of this scenario.
"Stunningly pale" typically is not my turn on, but Anderson wears it well. All the gossip and speculation about his personal life lends him an air of mystery. Yet, like Superman, aren't we all left with wondering how anyone could be fooled by Anderson's asexual, on camera alter ego? Clark Kent in a business suit and wearing glasses is hardly a convincing disguise. We can all see who you really are, Superman. Even if you're wearing a suit and tie, we're all picturing you in your tights (or less).
The occasional buff pics of Anderson are provocative and stimulating. Look at the guns he's got! Pow! Now that's the body of a superhero. When he's finished rescuing injured Haitian children (which clearly could take a long, long time), I'm feeling in need of some rescuing myself. I'm not entirely certain what sort of rescue I need, but it will most definitely involve Anderson wrapping those arms around me and lifting me. It very well may be that SuperAnderson might discover that the entire rescue is actually a trap, and I will in fact bind him with kryptonite-laced leather straps and hang him from the ceiling like the evil sadist I am (but don't tell him, he'd prefer it was a surprise).
And who the hell knew that Anderson had a python that massive?! Holy hell, he can't even manage that monster with two hands! It's so big that it requires Jeff Corwin to grab hold of the head while Anderson strokes it from the other end. Now that's what I want to see in a gay superhero! Once he's captured in my lair, I guarantee you I'll be checking out his snake for myself.
In all seriousness (I think I can manage that), whatever the rumors, with whomever Anderson discloses his personal life, I think he's a beautiful man in body and soul. It's no wonder he throws my imagination into overdrive. He's warranted two appearances so far in my wrestling fiction, most recently beating the living crap out of Fox News smarm-master Bill Hemmer (clearly, sometimes my writing is an avenue to work out some pent up frustrations with right-wing wingnuts). Whether he's ready to be a goodboy gay standard bearer or not, I'm glad that he's putting his hot gymbunny muscles to good use to protect the innocent and save the world, one earthquake victim at a time.

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