Saturday, July 10, 2010

A League of Their Own

I think of myself as a booster of the industry that produces homoerotic wrestling products. I get caught up in brand loyalty wars more than I care to, but when it comes down to it, I think the more creative, kinky minds producing homoerotic wrestling, the better. I'm more a booster of explicitly homoerotic wrestling than otherwise. Not to say I'm only kinked up by explicit sex wrestling, but rather I prefer companies that explicitly identify themselves as homo and erotic. There are a lot of companies producing wrestling for you and me who pull their marketing punches. I get it, that there's a market for relatively closeted homoerotic wrestling. Hell, I was there myself a long time ago. But I think of coded, closeted homoerotic wrestling as more a transition object than the heart of what revs my engine these days. So these days, I think of wrestling with merely implied homoeroticism as sort of second-tier fun.
But all of that is just lead up to my unveiling a new category of favorites that I'll be tracking from now on. For many months, I've been charting the title defenses of my favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboys. Mitch, then Derek, then Mitch again, and now Rusty have been sitting pretty atop the rankings. I'll be posting on the match-of-my dreams head-to-head match up of champion Rusty vs. #1 contender, Mitch next week. In the mean time, as of today I'm starting to track a new championship division. It isn't just the pornboys I love (though, let me reiterate, I LOVE the wrestling pornboys). So starting today, I'm ranking my favorite homoerotic wrestlers in the non-pornboy division.
The distinction here is that gorgeous muscle studs who go the full monty and crank off some onscreen cum shots are in a league of their own in my affections. But the boys who typically keep their cocks in their trunks still merit some virtual lovin'. If at any point there's a dispute about who should show up in which division, my line in the sand is the cum shot. Any hot hunk on film working off a load has to compete with the likes of Rusty Stevens, and Rusty appears ready to beat (and eat) wrestling pornboy ass anytime.

Without further ado, allow me to unveil my top two rankings for homoerotic wrestlers in the non-pornboy division:
Sitting very, very pretty on top of the dais is the stunningly tight little package who made my jaw drop from the moment I first saw him last autumn: 5'7", 150 lb, Lon Dumont.
I don't pick up a lot of buzz about Lon, so I don't know if I'm the only one whose buttons are so invariably pushed by him. The attraction for me exactly 50% body, 50% performance (and I rank them both a 10 out of 10... you do the math). He's earned his way into claiming the inaugural championship title of non-pornboy extraordinaire. I'd donate the lower half of my liver for Lon to jump divisions and pound one out in a schoolboy pin on top of Rusty's pecs, but in the meantime, Lon's at the top of the new non-pornboy division for me.
His number one challenger is also no stranger to the pages of this blog. 5'10", 180 lb, Joshua Goodman, (that's Mr. Joshua to you), would likely be significantly offended to come in second place in anything. Considering Mr. Joshua's behemoth package is often not quite entirely contained in his trunks, he's a hairsbreadth away from jumping divisions. After aching for this to happen for years now, I'm finally conceding that Mr. Joshua is likely never to join the pornboy ranks. Still, he deserves major credit for his extremely entertaining performances and the hours upon hours of enjoyment he's given me. Lon is a relative rookie on the homoerotic scene in comparison to Mr. Joshua. Mr. Joshua certainly outweighs the lightweight bodybuilder significantly. Mr. Joshua has earned his chops in victory after defeat after victory, whereas Lon remains a bit untested against the established headliners. All that suggests to me that Lon has one hungry, indignant, cocky hardbody on his tail (and that's an image that lingers in my imagination).
As I've said, the more homoerotic wrestling in the world, the better. Both Lon and Mr. Joshua are BG East exclusives, as far as I know, but I'm happily scouring plenty of other wrestling operations for new challengers to toss their hats in the ring. There are plenty of deserving candidates. But for today, for now, let me place the crown of my favorite homoerotic wrestler, non-pornboy division, on the fantastically shaved head of Lon Dumont. And let me give a virtual slap on the ass to runner-up Mr. Joshua. I'm looking forward to seeing them both in plenty more matches to come, performing their hearts out even if keeping their trunks on.

2 comments:

  1. what about a match between the two of them? We already know that KL reads this blog so with a bit of luck this can be the second match to dispute another Neverland championship!

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  2. Well, I'm not overestimating the extent of my influence. It is true that Lon and Mr. Joshua have appeared on the same DVD twice now, so they're clearly being marketed for similar types of matches. I was actually thinking that Lon and Joe Robbins need to team up... they'd make a fantastic visual side-by-side, and I think Lon could help Joe out with perhaps just a little more charisma to go with his fantastic body and strength.

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