Monday, October 4, 2010

I've been thinking about asses a bit lately (on many levels). Grazing the internet, I happened across this photo of Twitter wonder Chris Nogiec via homotrophy, and my thoughts turned entirely and literally on asses. The sight of his astonishing ass shelf bulging out the top of Chris' white briefs is truly beautiful, and it brought to mind a fleeting image in Gino Gotti's match that I posted about yesterday. Early in Gino's gazebo tussle with Kieran Dunne, Kieran is on the defensive, getting lifted and dropped to the mat behind Gino's back. Kieran's massive pecs inadvertently get caught on Gino's blue trunks, and as Kieran slides down Gino's backside, so do Gino's trunks. For a fleeting moment, we see Gino's sweet ass exposed as he straddles Kieran, now flat on his back underneath the hairy Italian. I feel just a little bitter toward Gino for instantly grabbing his trunks and yanking them back up before diving on top of his opponent. I forgive him though, because Gino is clearly a rookie learning the ropes. I would hope with some more experience, he'd realize that there's much more to be sold in letting his cheeks remain free as he single-mindedly focuses on pressing his advantage on his opponent.

In any case, that's all it took to get me obsessing about asses (in a literal sense) once again. It doesn't take much. I think a fit, toned ass is one of the most beautiful creations on earth. When a beautiful ass has a particular formula of genetics and hard work, the shape and strength there is simply gorgeous. I could just sit and stare at the aesthetic cheeks of fitness model Jerry East for hours. In fact this image so captured my imagination that Jerry became the physical template upon which I've built an entire wrestling superhero character in my superhero series of homoerotic wrestling fiction.

Don't get me wrong, there are all sorts of delightful things I'd like to do with an ass like that other than sit and stare. The tactile delights of thick, round cheeks are entirely attractive to me. I'm fully in favor of exploring a sweet set of glutes aggressively, using various parts of my own body to leave no mystery uncovered. But honestly, there's an aesthetic to a beautiful ass that makes me want to soak it in visually, lingeringly and longingly enjoying the simple fact that something so fine and beautiful exists in this world full of so much ugliness.

Which, I suppose, brings me back to the metaphorical sense of asses. I must say I've been dealing with more than my fair share of horses asses lately. I tend to prioritize and value politeness and good form, frankly. I find little to excuse blatant rudeness. People who elbow their way across my path are a major irritation in my otherwise well-ordered life. I suppose I'm a little like Hannibal Lector that way (not the cannibalism part, but the abhorrence of rudeness part). I tend to go with the flow up until the point that someone is persistently rude, at which point I'm more than ready to open up a can of whoop-ass and re-establish the natural order of things that I take comfort in. In fact, I think failing to call out rudeness and crack some skulls in response to it is, in its own way, a contributing factor to just more creeping rudeness. So I have a pattern of having two speeds: 1) civil, friendly, polite, accommodating and cordial and 2) nostrils-flaring, knee to your throat, hard to decide whether I'll be more satisfied if you submit fast or make me kick your ass long and hard before finally acknowledging that you deserved the harsh discipline I just delivered to you.

Which, in its own way, leads back to the beauty of a naked, gorgeous, vulnerable ass again, really. A severe spanking, my ass planted on someone else's as I threaten to snap their neck off in a camel clutch, my hand shoved just underneath two ripe melons as I reach through and give a commanding claw to his unsuspecting testicles... the ass-kicking of a beautifully assed ass can make the whole circle of life so delightfully satisfying.

Still, I could use with fewer asses (metaphorically) these days.


  1. The guy in the fifth picture needs a shrine built to his glutes.

  2. So true, Joe. Jack Mackenroth is a designer made "famous" through reality television and a medalist at the gay olympics. Clearly, he deserves the gold for fantasy glutes!



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