Monday, March 14, 2011

Aces

We're almost halfway through the month, and it's about time I gave some much earned attention to my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Ace Hanson.


Ace's match against Antonio last month was the performance that sealed Ace's ascendency, but Ace has a deep, deep catalog of homoerotic wrestling that's sure to entertain fans of big muscleboys with hugely thick thighs. Ace has simply beautiful, doe-eyes with long lashes that give him almost a tender appearance. So much more the devastation that the doe-eyed beauty unleashes when he beats his opponents into the mat with his stunning strength, tenacity, and taste for dishing out suffering. In his "bonus" interview at ThundersTV, early in his tenure there, Ace revealed that he was a competitive Greco-Roman style wrestler through the ninth grade, but he was disqualified about one out of every four matches for intentionally being a dick. This may explain why he excels so devastatingly in the no-ref venue of Thunder's Arena, where bad sportsmanship is pretty much an essential qualification.


The definitive interview of Ace can be found over at Ringside at Skull Island. Ace-fans will be able to superimpose Ace's sexy, deep voice overtop of the text of Ace's interview. Fans will also probably enjoy Ace's newest release, just out this month (making him another contender for the first-ever back-to-back homoerotic wrestler of the month title), Mat Wars 26. A long time ago, I made what some believed to be disparaging comments about Thunder's being just a "side dish" of wrestling, but as if in answer, Ace informs Rocky Brick that he's in for the "main course" after getting pummeled as an appetizer by Cameron Mathews. Fans of huge, meaty thighs squeezed into cut off jeans (they certainly make me feel nostalgic) will also appreciate that the first half of this match features Ace in just such gear, before he strips down to his grey underwear, because "I am just not able to do what I need to do to you with these jean shorts on!"


I think Ace's appeal for me is not all that surprising. I mean, in addition to his drop dead gorgeous body and wrestling domination, Ace is delightfully quick-witted. There's just something that much sexier about a wrestler who rhetorically dances circles around his opponent, heaping on humiliation before the flat-footed meat even realizes what's happened. How can I put this delicately... let me just say that I think Rocky Brick is aptly named, allowing Ace pretty much unchallenged dominance when it comes to trash talk.


Rocky is nearly defenseless about two-thirds of the way through this match. As Ace shoves him across the room and Rocky slumps to the floor, Ace looks at the camera with his arms out, and challenges, "Where are the men? I need a man!" First of all, I'm delighted to hear it. Second of all, I suddenly had a flash of Ace appearing in an entirely different incarnation, wrestling as Eric Reins for Can-Am against Gauge in Sex Submissions.

Stripped out of gear, Ace/Eric and Gauge wrestled nude, and despite the title of the tape, Ace/Eric refused to give up his ass when Gauge reigned victorious. Seems like Ace's tune has changed these 9 years later, now that he's pleading for a man.


I'll let you look up the details yourself, but I just need to say that Ace's hard cock is almost as beautiful as are his doe-eyes. While I never anticipate seeing him pull it out for Thunder's Arena (though I have to imagine their audience would double instantly, should they venture down that path), Ace is packing heat and has the full measure of what it is to "be a man."


Back to his beat down on the Mr. Brick, though: the end of this match brings something new. After trading back and forth pec claws, after slamming one another repeatedly with clotheslines, both big boys end up knocking one another out cold. The camera lingers longingly over both of their prone bodies before it fades to black. But as for me, I'm wondering why that sadistic, opportunistic badboy with a beautiful bubble butt planted on the couch just "off" camera during this match doesn't leap into action, yank down Ace's trunks, and be the crowd pleaser he has the potential to be.


Now that would've put someone at the front of the line for next month's title!

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