Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

February brought us a hardy winter crop of homoerotic wrestling. As I mentioned a few days ago, Thunder's Arena's presentation of Ace Hanson punishing Antonio for trying to steal his truck in No Holds Barred 5 comes with the promise from Thunder's that this is their hottest match ever, meaning Ace and Antonio are instant contenders for February's homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Ace also did double duty in No Holds Barred 4 against Dallas, and Antonio did a second stint this month against Angel in Mat Wars 24. Z-Man and Cody Nelson get nominations for their prettyboy scramble in Thunder's Mat Wars 24, and just under the wire for February's offerings comes Cameron Mathews' work to tame hilariously named Rocky Brick in Mat Wars 25. Thunder's is definitely dominating the field this month when it comes to nominations! But Rock Hard Wrestling has a slate of nominations to offer, as well, all from the same tag-team match up: muscle studs Tyler Reeves and Max Powers and their doe-eyed prey Chris(tian) Cox(Taylor) and Jeff (Skip) Hollister (Vance). Can-Am is going to the well a second time with their gorgeous rookie workhorse, Landon Mycles appearing in the obligatory follow up to his debut ring match (which earned him a homoerotic wrestler of the month title), starring in their Hard Heroes storyline. Can-Am also is putting up Cameron Mathews (damn, that boy is busy... and has a beautiful ass...), Donnie Drake, and Rio Garza for Pro Bashed Triple Threat, and Aryx Quinn and A.J. Irons for the much-anticipated (by me) sequel, Pro Sex Fight 2. I liked the look of several Naked Kombat boys in February, including DJ making an entirely respectable bid to be the first back-to-back repeat title holder for his domination of thug Nikko Alexander; lean-n-mean rookie Adonis' masterful debut against Gianni Luca; and stunning slice of thick, thick beef, rookie Roman Rivers for getting those massive, hot muscles of his tamed and claimed by veteran Leo Forte.

Damn, even without any BG East new releases, that's a hard and thick field of competitors. This is legitimately a tough call for me for all the right reasons this month. I'd like to spread the love far and wide, but, truth be told, this is not such a tight race that I could say we've got a tie. No, I have to put my finger on one homoerotic wrestling stud in particular who noses his way ahead of the competitive pack this time around with a truly inspired performance. February's homoerotic wrestler of the month is, decisively...




It turns out, I totally buy the marketer who dubbed Ace's action on the mat with Antonio as Thunder's Arena's hottest. Story is, Ace catches Antonio trying to hotwire his truck... while it's still in the garage. Characters are established immediately (e.g., Antonio isn't all that bright; Ace is aggrieved). Thunder's reports these boys at just about the same size, but Ace manhandles Antonio like Saturday's laundry. Antonio, for his part, actually has a legitimate bid here for the homoerotic wrestler of the month title. It's not because he wrestles particularly well or convincingly. In fact, this is a remarkably one-sided match in which Antonio is pounded, twisted, pried and prodded mercilessly, without putting up much of a fight at all. But damn it, he looks like he's actually ashamed for having been caught trying to steal Ace's truck! I pretty much buy that Antonio takes his humiliation like well-deserved penance for his sins, and a big man who sucks up his deserved punishment without whining about it is awfully hot. But then again, in this scenario of Antonio doing penance, that makes Ace the hand of God, and that's just that much hotter.


Ace tosses 220 pound Antonio over his shoulder, walks him through the Thunder's house, and dumps him on the mat. Ace looks hungry as he slips on his gloves and rips off his t-shirt and jeans, his huge, gorgeous legs and ass possibly never better displayed than in his neon green zebra-stripe trunks. Ace proceeds to dish out Antonio's punishment eagerly, determined to teach the red-handed boy a lesson he'll never forget. But what strikes me immediately here is that Ace's mat work is... well... so fucking intimate! I mean, wrestling and full-contact fighting are always a hair's-breadth away from full-on simulated fucking. That goes without saying. But with Antonio taking his punishment in shame and Ace eagerly climbing on top, pressing their faces together cheek to cheek while grinding his crotch into Antonio's lower abdomen... damn.


With Antonio on his back, Ace has Antonio's right arm in an armlock that looks like the poor thief's elbow could snap at any moment. "Oh, yeah... oh, yeah...." Ace whispers as Antonio grunts in bursts of pain. "Come on... come on..." Ace whispers with just a hint of pleading in his voice. Shut your eyes, and you'd swear these boys were fucking. Wrapping up Antonio's head between Ace's thighs, Ace crows, "Put that head where it belongs!" Flexing his glutes rhythmically, he snarls, "Feel that!? Huh!?"


Ace takes Antonio to the brink of being sleepered out cold, and then rips the hunk's board shorts off of him. Ace starts to taunt him. "You got no life in you! Why you got no life in you boy? You wanna just lay there like that? Huh!?" He folds Antonio up and sits his big, glorious glutes down in the truck thief's face humiliatingly. In barely adequate metallic white posing trunks, Antonio can only grunt as Ace slaps his vulnerable ass and crows, "I got you all kinked up now!" And indeed, things take a fantastically kinky turn, as Ace marvels at his own handiwork, looking down at Antonio spread-eagled helplessly underneath him. Ace reaches down and claws the truck thief's balls, and like me, Antonio gasps.


"Come on, show me a little bit! Let me see if you've got some muscles on you!" Ace demands of his suffering opponent. Antonio begins to try to flex in obedience, but Ace quickly snorts in disgust and shows Antonio his bicep... up close... demanding that Antonio kiss it... which he does. Mounting him again and locking up his arms, Ace whispers almost lovingly, "That's right, just catch your breath. I got ya. That's right. Right there, that's right." Ace thrusts his hips against Antonio's abdomen, making his massive glutes quiver as Antonio grunts in time. Ace tortures Antonio's nipple. He wraps up Antonio's head in a figure-4 leglock, with Antonio's nose crushed against the base of Ace's scrotum. More ball claws ("Say 'mercy' or I'll squeeze it off!"). He forces Antonio to worship his softball-size bicep ("See that! Huh? It's nice, isn't it." Yeah, Antonio grunts. "Touch it! Touch it! Come on, grab it!") and stroke and kiss his massive, flexed quads. Ace hoists (let me remind you, 220 pound!) Antonio up over his shoulder, shoving the thief's face into Ace's crotch with lingering, humiliating delight.


So, Antonio decidedly does not merit homoerotic wrestler of the month after all, really, because this match is entirely a testimony to Ace's hard work and sweat. Ace taps into a wrestling kink sadist streak deep within him that takes awesomely homoerotic turns. Ace tells this story. Ace paces the action. Ace delivers an onslaught of humiliating punishment that surely, nearly, washes away Antonio's sins. Ace is, without a doubt, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

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