Sunday, March 20, 2011

Name That Ass

Queer Me Now commended readers to try their skills at Name That Ass, so I'm venturing another installment of the game that, I suspect, tickles me much more than you. In any case, I always enjoy hearing from folks who are trying their hand and naming the homoerotic wrestling asses below, with scarce contextual detail other than a close up of a beautiful derrière. Extra credit for naming the opponent for each pic. As always, the asses below belong to some of my favorite wrestlers (so please note, there's no intended double entendre with the name of the game... I'm not casting aspersions on anyone's character by calling them an ass, but rather celebrating the glorious glutes that these lovely men have obviously worked hard to craft).

Enough of the foreplay. Now for the main thrust of the game...

Ass #1: 

I'm suspecting that this will be the easiest entry this time around, thus I've placed it first. In an industry clearly dominated by wrestling white boys, some gorgeous glutes like this on a black homoerotic wrestler are as beautiful as they are rare. For novices, though, let me give you some more clues. To the best of my knowledge, the hardbody hunk to whom this sexy ass belongs has wrestled in seven homoerotic products, including one ring match that propelled his opponent to capture a homoerotic wrestler of the month title from me (but that's not the opponent he faced in this pic). He comes in two distinct packages: "big 'n beefy" and "competition bodybuilder." I love that he loves the sight of his own physique nearly as much as I do, and I love even more that he's wrestled completely nude in one match and wearing only wrestling boots (which I actually think is even sexier) in another. He's 5'11" tall, with a reported weight of 185 pounds, and if you don't know this ass, you need to.

Ass #2:

I'm not sure if this will be particularly tough for regular Name That Ass players or not. So I'll give a few more clues than I strictly think are necessary, just to toss a bone to the intermediate players who may get stumped. First of all, I must say that this ass belongs to a wrestler that I'm nursing a quickly growing infatuation with. He's shown up in 6 homoerotic wrestling matches, and I'm desperate to see him in a dozen more (I've got opponents all picked out for him). He has the odd distinction of being a homoerotic wrestler who has yet to be seen entirely nude, and yet has been exposed sufficiently for a proctologist to give a preliminary exam. He truly delights in dominating, and he's been using those lips of his more and more liberally in every match I've seen him. You can count on him slapping his pouch down across the chin of pretty much every lucky opponent he meets, but I think there have been only a couple of them lucky (lucky, lucky, lucky) enough to have had that ass planted squarely across their faces. He's 5'8," 170 pounds, and the member of an exclusive and most arousing homoerotic wrestling club.

Ass #3:

This may be quite a leap in difficulty parameters, but although you may not necessarily recognize these muscled glutes at first glance (or the glimpse of ball sac), this has got to be one of the most iconic and prolific homoerotic wrestlers ever. I think it's physically impossible to count the actual number of homoerotic wrestling matches that star this star, but I'm hazarding a reasonable count of around 26. He wrestled under two names (that I know of). He wrestled in the ring. He wrestled in oil. He wrestled on a mat. He wrestled in a locker room (extra, extra credit for writing a Dr. Suess-style poem about him). He's reported at 5'10" and 200 pounds, and his ass is, in every possible scenario, golden.

Ass #4:

Here's where things get tough, and the truly gifted students have an opportunity to shine. Things get a little esoteric from here on out, so you'll just have to bear with me. This wrestling ass made me sit up and take notice when I saw it the first time. The wrestler is unconventional, incredibly strong, and appropriately named. Here's where things get possibly misleading with the clues, though I seriously don't intend it: I've seen him wrestle twice, but I can only remember where I've seen him wrestle once. A little piece of trivia that absolutely will not help you: seeing this hunk wrestle was what inspired me of the need to start a homoerotic wrestler of the month title, though he himself never possessed that title (told you that wouldn't help you). 5'8," 190 pounds of gorgeous muscle, and he laughs evilly with every awesome humiliation he inflicts on his opponent. Hot. Hot. Hot.


Ass #5:

I'm torn as to whether this ass or ass #5 will be hardest (so to speak). Literally, it's this final ass that is, without a doubt, unquestionably and indisputably, the hardest ass in the field. This is a muscle ass extraordinaire. This homoerotic wrestler makes me gasp just standing still in a speedo. This wrestler has the body of a god, such that any wrestling that fails to include abject worship of his body, and in particular his glutes, is a waste of talent; and I'm so very, very sad to say that this talent was always wasted in the five matches that I can track down with him. That does nothing to make me less desperate to worship his gorgeous, veiny, sliced to the bone physique myself, though. He's certainly not the best wrestler. But all 6'1", 215 pounds of him scores extremely high in my rankings of muscle studs who should never, ever, ever, ever be allowed to wear more than a thong.

I'll post the answers tomorrow. In the mean time, good luck.

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