Sunday, April 3, 2011

Name That Ass

You know the set up. Based on scant evidence, see if you can identify the homoerotic wrestlers to whom  these fine glutes belong. Never played before? You might want to take some practice quizzes first, just to bone up on wrestling asses. As always, I'll post the answers tomorrow. The first person to identify all five wrestlers below before the answers are posted, in addition to the opponents in the matches pictured, will not only get bragging rights as teacher's pet, but I'll also write you a custom, made-to-order fictional homoerotic wrestling match. Today's quiz is a theme set, comprised entirely of "classics," iconic homoerotic wrestlers. This is an open-book quiz, so feel free to consult your notes. Let me know how you do by dropping your answers in the comments below or by sending me an email. Good luck!

Ass #1:

I've been hard on this homoerotic wrestling ass... so to speak. However, this wrestler is undeniably prolific, and indisputably gorgeous, and like it or not, he is, at the very least, a fixture, if not an icon, in homoerotic wrestling. 5'10", 170 pounds, smooth, lickable skin... he's appropriately very proud of his granite carved abs, which he enjoys dusting off dismissively after squeezing out a submission from his opponent. If it weren't for that cheesy smirk that creeps across his face far too often, I'd be a bigger fan. But I'm liking his most recent work, and hoping that his quality of wrestling starts to elevate to the quantity of this wrestling. I figure even novices know this ass, but identifying his opponent will be the challenge for intermediate students of homoerotic wrestling asses.

Ass #2:

These gorgeous round cheeks have haunted my dreams. Really, I've had dreams starring this classic homoerotic wrestler, and they've been fantastically memorable.  He's listed at 5'6" and 165 pounds of aesthetically perfect muscle, but his proportions make him look a half foot taller than that, in my opinion. In addition to qualifying in my book as a muscle god, he was also a muscle jobber with a lot of personality. He always sold me convincingly the story of a cocky stud used to getting his way on looks and strength, astonished to discover himself on the bad end of a humiliating beating. He was wrestling an opponent here who was in his debut match (the opponent only tallied three matches in all). What a lucky, lucky boy to be initiated into homoerotic wrestling with this hunk's cock crushed against your face!

Ass #3:

This homoerotic wrestling ass has provided me what must add up to years of entertainment (counting all the repeat viewings). Iconic as hell, this pornboy always rocked me. I remember seeing his ads in the back of muscle mags as a kid, selling his "workout and lifestyle" videos. At 5'10" and reportedly 202 pounds of big, thick muscle, when he slapped his balls down on top of this particular opponent's nose, I was in heaven. I own this match. I love this match. Iconic muscle stud v iconic muscle god. Both of them snarling, humiliating, craving the opportunity to fuck the other one senseless. I think you can still find this product from the original distributor, or through a more prominent homoerotic wrestling company selling them these days. You can tell me either name under which he wrestled, and any of the multiple spellings of either name that I can find in print, and still get full credit.

Ass #4:

Iconic? in my mind, absolutely. I had a crush on this blond muscle boy the instant I saw him. I wasted way too much cash with my early introduction to porn-on-demand by watching and re-watching his Triple Play. This pornboy did quite a bit of "bi" porn, which speaks absolutely nothing to me. But his wrestling was hot, if only sometimes competitive. In the match pictured, he was in a tag team bout with another iconic muscle pornboy, facing off against some Eastern European phenoms (go ahead, name them all... show off a little). Most of the pics I can find from this match show someone's hand squeezing this fine ass, which I totally understand.

Ass #5:

Does this ass look familiar? The gargantuan python stretching the fabric of his viciously wedgied trunks from the front could very well give this away. You'd be forgiven for not remembering the ass, in fact, due to the astonishing sight of this fantastic homoerotic wrestling hunk from the front, once the trunks come off, which they usually did. He's listed at 5'10" and 174 pounds, but I think more memorable would have been the stats on his stunning cock (I'd guess 9 inches and 3 pounds). He was very productive in homoerotic wrestling, appearing in 17 or so matches. He was a nasty heel with a predilection for clawing at an opponent's abs like pulling pork off the bone. The shiny sheen on the bodies in this pic should make it simple enough to narrow down the opponent... once you've identified the ass in question.

It's all fun and games, so feel free to post what you come up with. I'm quick with praise and humiliate underperforming students only if that's what they get off on. Good luck!

4 comments:

  1. Ass #1: Z-Man (vs Sebastien)

    Ass #2: Wade Cutler (vs Rod Duart)

    And does Ryan from "The Office" remind anyone else of Z-Man?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bard,

    you know i am only playing this game cause I should be doing my taxes, but i have a few more days to procrastinate that task.

    the asses belong to the following
    #1 Z Man aka Zack v Sebastian in Thunders Arena Battlespace 10

    #2 Wade Cutler v Rod Duart, from BG East X Fight 19, thanks stay puft cause i would not have figured this out w/o your selfless share

    #3, Scott Randsome aka Kurtis Beefcake vs Steve Sterling in Zues Productions Punishment 2

    #4 this is a total guess cause except for the oil, a "go to" wrestling accoutrement (reference the Winnebago Man) from the good folks at Can Am, i had no lead on this butt, I'm going with Steve Shannon tagging with Sonny Markham against Jirka Kolvoda and Jarda Kolar in Can Am's Czech Tag Team 2, according to Wikipedia Czech Republic is in Eastern Europe, so this is what i am going with.

    #5 is Jose taking on the Lineman from BG East's Paradise 2, your description with vivid details made this an easy one.

    Now if i could only be this thorough with my taxes.

    BTW part of me just wants to take away your lead for what would have been tomorrows blog post on the reveal of the 5 assess, thats for being so catty... "meeeoow".... on the recent post taking issue with the muscle reference on what is a rather emaciated, yet still erotically attractive NK stud, though i get were you are coming from, your issue is not with the talent, its with the copy writer. So in the interest of "what goes around, comes around" you are now forced to type out an original post. Oh for the love of god and his dear baby boy jesus i hope i guessed correctly cause if not i am sure you will eloquently skewer me to your readers for what i just said.

    Keeping blogging and i will keep reading.


    Topher

    ReplyDelete
  3. Fantastic, topher! Except for Scott Randsome's opponent, you were perfect!

    Except that you were exactly 2 minutes late. I'd just posted the answers, so a cynical bastard might question your integrity and argue that you cheated. I'm, of course, not that cynical man, but I will dock you 2 points for late work.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, and very nicely played with naming Scott Randsome's aka, topher! If I wouldn't get a ton of complaints from others, I'd say I'll have to make the next quiz even harder to really challenge an advanced student like you!

    ReplyDelete

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