Sunday, May 8, 2011

Name That Ass

I considered Stay Puft's suggestion of a Name That Foot edition of our game (his tongue in cheek, I do believe), but I'm jonesin' for ass, so the asses have it. This week's quiz is back to basics: homoerotic wrestlers with notable asses. You know the drill: name the homoerotic wrestler to whom each ass below belongs, based on the scant evidence I've provided. If you correctly name all the asses, you get a gold star. If you name all 5 asses and their opponents in the matches pictured, you can claim delivery of a custom, written-to-order homoerotic wrestling fantasy fiction, and you can recommend the genre for next week's quiz. Best of luck!

Ass #1:
This is a truly gorgeous ass that immediately grabbed my attention when I first caught sight of it. The wrestler is almost painfully beautiful, proportioned like a classic Greek statue (if that classic Greek statue lived on protein shakes and worked out three times a day). He's marketed at 189 pounds, appearing in two matches, though 10 matches pop up under his name. He's sold as a male exotic dancer, which I believe without a second thought. This homoerotic wrestler was apparently brought in for his brief tenure in wrestling by one of my all time favorite icons of the business, but that's not who he's facing in the match pictured above.

Ass #2:
You might guess that this is a trick question, but no, ass #2 is not the same as ass #1 (though it looks like they shop at the same store). No, the homoerotic wrestler sporting this muscle butt is not exactly a "pretty boy" carved from polished marble (like ass #1). He brings to mind much more the sensibility of a muscle bear daddy. He's just very, very recently jumped companies (or straddled, at least), and at 5'10" and 200 pounds, he's an intimidating hunk of aggressive muscle anywhere he goes. In this match, he faces a Russian who he apparently recruited himself.

Ass #3:
Wow. Um, wow. I've marveled at this ass before, and I won't be surprised to find myself struggling for words of awe for this ass again sometime. Excuse me for just a moment.... wow.  Okay, so this bushy-browed boy has an adorable face, a fit, beautiful body, a tenacious spirit on the mats... but seriously, that ass is a show stopper. 5'9" and 168 pounds, this shot comes from his very first homoerotic wrestling bout.

Ass #4:
This shapely, athletic muscle ass is dedicated to last week's Name That Gear winner, Stay Puft. This ass belongs to one of Stay Puft's favorites. 5'8", 180 pounds, this stunningly fit, smooth boy is reportedly a cousin of another homoerotic wrestler who's appeared in a Name That Tat quiz in the past. He's billed as a former professional soccer player and worldclass kickboxer. The striated, bulging thighs that go with this irresistibly grabbable ass certainly point to the truth that this homoerotic wrestler is an impressive athlete (and one not to be fucked with). But if you're going to fuck with him, it probably helps to be a half foot taller and 95 pounds heavier than he is (as is his opponent here).

Ass #5:
I typically list the asses in order of difficulty, but I suspect this will be the easiest for most readers to identify. As a result, I'll say precious little by way of clues. The wrestler here is 6'0, 185 pounds, astonishingly prolific in a very brief amount of time, and the sadist delivering this vicious wedgie deserves a trophy for handing us a truly entertaining and sexy beatdown on this devastatingly pretty- pretty boy... twice.

Good luck, my friends. Let me know what you come up with.

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