Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I'm a Pussy

Brad Rochelle: BG East's Backyard Brawls 1
This has come as a bit of a shock to me, but I have to admit it: I am a pussy. Now, I mean that in the most non-misogynistic (and pro-feline) way possible, but frankly, there's just no way to sugar coat it. I'm a pussy. A few unkind hearts reading this are nodding their heads and snarkily mumbling that it's about time that I admitted it. Well... fuck you, that's not what I'm talking about. I don't back down from a fight, and I've been told by several independent sources that when I'm in a particularly serious mood, I remind them of an angry grammar school gym teacher (which, perhaps oddly, I find really flattering). What I am a pussy about, however, is this heat.

Ryon Long & Greg Michaels: BG East's Backyard Brawls 2
I'd heard that Boston in late July was hot, but somehow I still wasn't mentally prepared. I catch myself continually bitching and moaning about the heat throughout the day, and I'm not proud of it. I sleep on top of the covers with a fan blowing directly in my face, and still I'm hot. And now a local colleague has mentioned to me that it's going to "start heating up around here" over the next few days. I almost started to cry. I can't deny it. I'm a pussy.

Shannon Embry & Jonny Firestorm:
BG East's The Contract 9
On the other hand, this sort of heat brings out an abundance of bare flesh. And I've been very delighted with the hot and bothered eye candy that Boston has to offer. I keep looking for some BG East wrestling hunk strolling down the street (preferably in his skimpiest wrestling trunks). But despite not catching any BG East fanstymen sightings yet, I have to say, I've seen some prime beef that very well might be able to give the BG East boys a run for their money (at least in hunky looks... toss them into the ring and I'm sure our BGE battlers would beat the shit out of these downtown posers).

Reigning Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month:
The sweat-soaked gorgeousness o Jake Jenkins
Regular readers also know what a sucker I am for a thick sheen of sweat on a muscled hunk, so just imagine my constant titillation in a city baking their beefy boys with a side of nasty humidity.

Brad Rochelle: The Contract 6
Back to the self-revelation that I'm a pussy, though... as for me, I just don't have the body chemistry to enjoy baking my own body. Sun bathing is not on my list of enjoyable pass-times. Watching the fine physiques of hot guys sun bathing is an enjoyable pass-time, but even then, it turns out that I'm such a pussy that my own discomfort is distracting me from that most excellent byproduct of a steamy, summer day.


Kid Karisma & Christian Taylor: BG East's Wet & Wild 5
And frankly, the notion of a wrestling match is almost too much for me to bear. The last thing I feel like doing in this heat is swapping body heat with anyone else in close quarters. This pussiness is profoundly, existentially unsettling the very core of my wrestling kink identity that I typically find as constant as magnetic north. But a whole lot of aggressive, physical exertion at this moment is almost nauseating to think about.

A homoerotic wrestler I'd wrestle in any weather:
BG East's Mitch Colby
Then again, the right body, perhaps lubricated with some tanning oil, could probably lure me out of my bitchy, whiny buzzkill. I hope you don't judge me too harshly for this vulnerable confession. However, if you do, wait till September and I'm back in a more familiar climate, and I'll kick your ass and make you enjoy every second of it.

2 comments:

  1. When it's cold, you can ALWAYS put on more clothes, but when it's hot, there's only so much you can do. I don't judge you (but coming from a fellow pussy, that might not mean much), because this is the first time in days it's cooled off enough for me to feel like using the computer in the hot room it's located in.

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  2. Thanks, SP. The heat wave is right at this very moment hitting here with a vengeance. It feels like swimming in a warm bath when I walk out the door.

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