Note to self: Don't check the BG East website updates when in a relatively public place. My instant arousal upon seeing a barefoot Jake Jenkins in knee pads and Kevin Von Erich-esque tight, white trunks posing for his ring match with bad boy musclestud, Kid Karisma, required me to stay seated for quite a while in order to keep confidential the tented crotch of my pants. I don't know if I'll manage to wait for a DVD copy of Hunkbash 12, or if I'll cave as I curse the US Postal Service and also buy a 24-hour pay-per-view download of the match in the BGE Arena. Damn my inability to control my lust for instant gratification! Damn, that's one hot wrestler! Damn straight, he's my homoerotic wrestler of the month!
Gunnar plays it cool to start the match. "All that wait, and this is what I get?" Someone needs to check Gunnar's eyesight, because Jake is looking stunning from go. He sports incredible fitness with thick, athletic muscles in all the right places to keep him both flexible and physically dominating in the ring. And that ass... my, oh my, that ass... packed into those red square cuts to perfection.
The running bit that Jake pushes from before they ever make contact is the comparison of Gunnar to skinny Japanese competitive eating champion, Takeru Kobayashi. Personally, I don't really see the resemblance, but then again, I don't suppose that's the point. It's about psyching out an outmatched opponent. "You look that that little skinny Kobayashi," Jake taunts. Let's face it, no one is going to be intimidated by Takeru Kobayashi unless you're stupid enough to go head to head with him in competitive eating. In the wrestling ring, however, it's another story.
But once Jake catches the momentum, he illustrates handily what all those gorgoues muscles can do. He picks Gunnar up like a sack of potatoes and flings him to the mat. Just to even the scorecard, he takes pleasure in some tit-for-tat corner abuse. "Does that hurt!?" Jake demands, just checking, just measuring the immediate effect of his swelling dominance over the rookie. "How does that feel?" he asks, as if he's taking notes in the fine art of exacting the maximum agony out of a skinny rookie. A single leg crab has Gunnar screaming. Jake transitions to a nasty leg lock that looks like he's nearly ripping his opponent's leg off at the knee. A lightening fast drop kick, a running scoop slam, and a school boy pin sets him up to return the favor of pounding Gunnar's tight pecs with his fists. For an amateur wrestler stepping sideways into the pro ring, Jake shows that he's got a quickly growing arsenal of holds and maneuvers that take full advantage of his strength, flexibility, and finely tuned awareness of his body in motion. He flies off the corner turnbuckle. He lands a drop kick that spins Gunnar 270 degrees in mid-air. Gunnar is going nowhere as Jake slaps down a leisurely 3-count pinfall. "After that you may want to go back to eating hot dogs, Kobayashi!" he smirks.
Jake works my wrestling kink every bit as relentlessly and skillfully as he inevitably works over Gunnar. Slamming the rookie's face into the turnbuckle, he taunts, "How do those corners taste!?" Multiple powerslams leave gunnar gasping for air. Jake sells some suffering as well, as Gunnar delivers unmistakably expert offense. His running drop kick squarely into Jake's face looks awfully nasty and perfectly on the money, from my angle. But eventually overcoming exhaustion, Jake just manages to catch Gunnar in mid-air as he leaps off the turnbuckle, reversing the flight it into a beautiful power slam that has the rookie helpless. Jake quickly lifts Gunnar across his shoulders in an entirely convincing torture rack in the center of the ring, pulling hard on Gunnar's body as the rookie screams in desperate agony before gasping out his submission. "We're 2 and 0! Game over!" Jake flexes, his body beautifully pumped from a seriously athletic match.
Jake, my homoerotic wrestler of the month, I'm passionately hoping that we've only just begun!