Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Boys and Balls

I followed organized sports half-heartedly up until the moment that I came out. Prior to that, I tracked college football and basketball and the occasional professional football season. But it was mostly just a perceived obligation of masculinity. I never really cared about the stats or the standings. As soon as I felt liberated from the heterosexist hegemony that equates homophobic contact sports with male virility, I stopped pretending to care. Homoerotic wrestling aside, my interest in the world of sport is seriously weak.

Australian Rugby Player and Gay Rights Advocate, David Pocock 
My ignorance of the world of rugby is filling me with regret as I see headline stories of rugby hotties "coming out" as either gay or allies. Like this fucking muscle monster by the name of David Pocock. All of the juvenile comments to be made about his last name evaporate when I read that this red-headed beast is a seriously outspoken ally of The Gays.

David Pocock and his gargantuan arms.
Seems that Pocock has stated repeatedly and clearly that he's not getting married until everyone in Australia, including its gay citizens, have that right. Hot damn! I've said it before and I'll say it again, nothing, but nothing is sexier than a smoking hot muscle body paired with a visionary commitment to social justice.

David Pocock's gorgeous ass and tree-trunk thighs
Well, nothing could be sexier, unless the aforementioned smoking hot muscle body paired with a visionary commitment to social justice was engaged in some nasty, ferocious, rules-be-damned wrestling. To the best of my knowledge (which is extremely limited), those ridiculously huge legs of David's have not yet been used to their fullest potential: namely, crushing the skull of some lucky bastard in a forever-and-a-day face-to-crotch headscissors.

David Pocock meditating on social justice at the beach
David comes to my attention (thanks again, Towleroad), on the heels of my growing infatuation with Welsh rugby hunk, Gareth Thomas, coming out as an openly gay muscle beast.

Out Welsh rugby muscle beast, Thomas Gareth
Again, I say, look at the beef on those legs!!! Good God almighty...

Hairy rugby hunk and ally, Ben Cohen
And of course there's hairy rugby hunk Ben Cohen who's working full time combatting anti-gay bullying these days. Ben has already worked his way into a fan-inspired homoerotic wrestling match in my imagination, in which he crushes American footballer Tom Brady in a bone crunching hangman.

Rugby player and physique god, Nick Youngquest
And then there's Australian rugby sexbomb, Nick Youngquest, who has also appeared in my homoerotic wrestling imagination. A collaborator helped me write Nick's appearance in the Producer's Ring, marking the beginning of the end of Andrew Stetson's rise through the ranks of homoerotic wrestling producers in a locked door office mauling. Nick is, yet again, another rugby muscle stud happily committed to advocating for The Gays and, possibly even better, stripping naked to appear in gay rags and inspiring millions of boys' wet dreams.

I realize that the world of macho sports, much less the world of professional rugby, is not suddenly rushing to embrace the gays. The fact that these rugby gods being openly gay or gay positive is headline news seems to most certainly imply that they are the exception, rather than the rule. Still, I'm suddenly considering whether ore not I need to give my local gay rugby club a new look. These boys are definitely inspiring me to give team sports a second glance.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, it guess it CAN be worth it to step into the world of organized sports! A little bit. Sometimes. Maybe. But with guys like that--heck, yeah.

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