Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Hearty Welcome

Jason Kane: the newest Teen Dream from Rock Hard Wrestling
Am I getting older, or are the stars of homoerotic wrestling getting younger? It's a rhetorical question, so give me an early Christmas present and don't answer. Generally speaking, I tend to think of myself as perpetually 29 years old. But seeing the face on the new teen dream from Rock Hard Wrestling, Jason Kane, I suddenly feel much, much older. Seriously, is this kid even shaving yet?! Okay, so fuck the face. The peaks on those biceps make me feel young and vigorous again. Raw, untested rookie beef like this is timeless. I don't care how old this teen heartthrob is. Someone needs to make this gym bunny scream.

Ethan Andrews welcomes Jason Kane to Rock Hard Wrestling
Ethan Andrews clearly knows what I'm talking about. I think I've bitched about Ethan being some sort of bait-and-switch for RHW, since he's decidedly less handsome and more skater punk than rock hard stud. I can be such a bitch sometimes. The look of low-down, carnal, sadistic pleasure stretched across Ethan's toothy punk ass face as he soaks in the sight of studly Jason screaming in agony requires me to apologize for any past bitchy comments I made about young Ethan and acknowledge here and now that, while it's Jason's ripped body that makes this match rock hard, it's Ethan's nasty delight at making the muscle hunk suffer that makes this match homoerotic wrestling.

Ethan looks downright evil making the pretty boy scream
Ethan knows he's got this rookie-bashing confrontation all sewn up within about 8 seconds of hopping over the top rope to start the match. Pretty, babyface Jason offers downright polite pleasantries. "What, no trash talk?" Ethan asks sincerely surprised... a fraction of a second before he lands a lightening boot strike to Jason's washboard abs and rolls over the rookie like a steam roller. Ethan seems to take Jason's rock hard, flat stomach as a personal insult somehow, and he proceeds to pummel the teen dream's core with tunnel-visioned focus.

Ethan shows Jason what all those muscles are really for:
suffering so sweetly!
Jason goes no where fast. Ethan plays him like a guitar, strumming and plucking all of those taut, beautiful muscles like a maestro. Jason suffers in the corner, bounces off the ropes, gets squeezed, punched, kicked and twisted mercilessly to welcome him to the homoerotic wrestling universe. Ethan explains the facts of life to Jason. Muscles are nice and all, but victory depends on technique.

Jason begs to differ: his muscles are for dominating!
The rookie gets riding time as well. Mostly strikes and slams show off Jason's hot flexing body, including the bright red hand prints left by Ethan's slaps. With just a little advantage, the babyface is crowing and strutting, flexing his thick bicep in Ethan's face and proclaiming with absolute certainty, "You don't need technique, when you got this!" Jason looks every bit the high school quarterback, grinning from ear to ear as he corners a skinny nerd in the bathroom to slap him around and prove once again why he's on top of the cutthroat, Lord of the Flies social structure of adolescence.

Ethan studies the effects of his complete mastery of the rookie stud
However, Ethan knows something that painfully young Jason hasn't yet figured out: this isn't the high school bathroom. This is a professional wrestling ring, and those HD video cameras are reflecting the eyes of hundreds of gay men unzipping their pants to watch an all too pretty young muscle hunk force fed a dish of humility. Sure, Jason's undersized trunks ride down his hips a bit, but I tell you it's the tilt of Ethan's head as he smiles down so lustfully at the sight of his sweaty, grimacing, writhing opponent  that becomes what I can't tear my eyes away from here.

Hot young muscle where it belongs: underfoot.
There's a truly inspired moment near the end of Jason's initiation into our world. Ethan has gazed long and hard at the pain contorting Jason's pretty face as he threatens to rip the young stud's shoulder out of its socket in a bow and arrow. Ethan lets him go to taunt him a little more, explaining that he's got more in store for the once-invincible pretty boy. Shiny Jason shakes his head frantically as he looks like he's trying to crawl away on his stomach, reaching for the reprieve of the ropes. The close-up of wide-eyed panic on Jason's face is intoxicating, but it's the vision of Ethan, hyped up on the exhilaration of completing owning this hot young stud as he grabs Jason's ankle to set him up for a match ending figure-4 leglock, that sends me over the edge. Welcome to the world of homoerotic wrestling, Jason. So happy that you decided to join us.

4 comments:

  1. Apology accepted.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are gracious and generous, Anon. Drop me a note if you'd like me to eat anymore crow via a full-on wrestler interview!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks, Bard, for the recommendation. Inspired by your comments, I purchased this match from Rock Hard Wrestling about a week ago and have been watching it ever since. I have enjoyed being one of "hundreds of gay men unzipping their pants to watch an all too pretty young muscle hunk force fed a dish of humility", and this match certainly delivers on that score. The final round's humiliation of Jason and his submission in Ethan's cocky figure-4 leglock is a fitting conclusion to a fine homoerotic battle.

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