Thursday, March 1, 2012

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

Selecting a homoerotic wrestler of the month for the new release wrestling that turned me on the hardest in February is a herculean task. Like a kid in a candy store, strolling through the new releases that dropped last month dizzies me with delight. I think to myself, that one is definitely my favorite, and then the next one comes along that captures my imagination and sends me over the top all over again.  The field is astonishingly dense. I'm almost loathe to begin listing them because I just can't stand leaving out any of the dozens of hunks who tweaked my kink so satisfyingly. But they don't pay me because this shit is easy (in fact, nobody pays me for anything on this blog). So let me just rattle off who vied for my affections the most in February: from BG East, Eli BlackSkip Vance, Dylon Roberts, Joshua Goodman (that's Mr. Joshua to you!), Austin Cooper, Kid Karisma, Jonny Firestorm, Jayden Mayne, Attila Dynasty, Skrapper, Tyrell Tomsen, Z-Man, Dev Michaels, Charlie Panther, Jake Jenkins, Christian Taylor, Reese Wells, Mac Matthias and Exavier; from Thunder's Arena, Z-Man (again!), Cameron Mathews, Brendan Cage, Lex, Big Sexy; from Can-Am, Jobe Zander, Tyler St. James, Jimmy Clay and Tyler Ford; from Rock Hard Wrestling, Jake Jenkins (again!), Austin Cooper (again!), Ethan Andrews, Jason Kane, Lucas Payne and Gunner Bayani.

I'm exhausted (in the fantastic way)! There are so many former homoerotic wrestlers of the month in this pool, it's no wonder I'm almost stymied when trying to make this decision. Austin Cooper alone showed up in 4 nomination-worthy matches in February! Several of these hard working hotties were published in two different promotions last month. So much quality... and I've set for myself the task of choosing just one!? Clearly, I'm a masochist (well, okay, at least some of the time).  There are a dozen sure bets in this list, so perhaps it's no surprise that it's the surprise performance that catches my eye and rises to the top. I'm sure there are fierce fans who'll take issue with my pick (already bracing against all of those ferocious Eli Black fans out there), but just keep in mind that this is all about me. With a deep sigh, letting go of so many could-be nominees, my decision is made. The new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month here at neverland is...




6'1, 201 pound Charlie Panther.

Charlie nearly pops Tim's head off his neck!
Charlie's body rocks me hard in this match! When I first saw him climb into the ring against rookie (I doubt it!) Tim Messina in Pros in Private 9, I was completely stunned. His physical transformation from his 3 prior appearances with BG East is nothing short of phenomenal! Seriously, BG East needs to update his profile pic, because there's a whole new Charlie Panther in town, and he's a rock solid hunk of gorgeousness!  Whatever he's been doing to get so hard and hot, he needs to keep doing it. In particular, his pecs and abs are gorgeous, but it's everything below the waist that captures me like crazy. Speaking of capturing, his legs are insanely hot, particularly with Tim's head trapped between them. His ass fills my head with obsessive images of me grabbing his hips from behind. With that gear and that physique, Charlie is a composite vision of fantasy men wrestlers that rocked me so hard from pro wrestling in the early 80's.

Charlie's ass and Tim's screams: Two Great Tastes
that Taste Great Together
Charlie in still frame is awesome, but it's Charlie in motion that earns him the title this month. This man does not stop. He does not wane in intensity. He is exhaustingly relentless.  I hope Tim Messina was paid up on his catastrophic injury coverage for his health insurance, because Charlie is nothing short of a force of nature crashing into him time after time after time. My hunch is that no one in front of or behind the camera was planning on this being such a squash... no one, that is, other than Charlie Panther. Tim makes a go of sucking up some punishment and putting on his game face to start a few rallies here and there. But Charlie knocks that rally cap off time after time and rubs that game face off of Tim's face with totally over the top 80's pro bad guy invincibility and complete disregard for everything but Charlie's date with destiny.

The Big Cat milks long, lean Tim beautifully in an OTK backbreaker.
Tim clearly has chops. I can easily picture him in the running for an -of-the-month title himself someday. But there's just nobody to look at in that ring other than Charlie's flexing muscles and raging hard-on of an ego.  It's a little astonishing to me that Tim could stay in the ring with the size of Charlie's personality taking up so much space. Of course, just being a muscle stud heel isn't by itself a formula for success for my affections. These two dance divinely, punctuated climactically (and I mean that literally) by repeated body slams that make poor Tim catch major air on the rebound. Charlie's OTK backbreaker (always a move that thrills me to my core) is like Charlie setting a Thanksgiving feast for me. Repeatedly, the Panther does push ups with one hand planted squarely across Tim's throat, showing off Charlie's dominating power, gorgeous ass, and vicious sadism to perfection.

Charlie whispers in Tim's ear: "... and don't you ever forget it!"
Regular readers know that I love some dialogue in a hot ring pounding. Unfortunately for Tim, he can't get a word in edgewise because Charlie is an unstoppable torrent of trash talk that, paired with his smoking hot body, exponentiates the eroticism of this otherwise straight-up pro squash obliteration. Charlie makes it clear that he is nothing short of a god, and the BG East boys are doing nothing but wasting his time by putting this lean, green rookie in his way.  With Tim screaming like a dog caught in a bear trap (aka, Charlie's nasty standing backbreaker), Charlie laughs as his crushed opponent pounds the mat in submission and cries (cries!!!) "I quit!!!" The final fall stuffed in his trunks and Tim essentially dead to the world and flat on his back, Charlie does push ups with his face hovering just overtop of Tim's slack face. He dips low, alternating placing his mouth to each side of Tim's head to whisper almost intimately in his ear, "You see that's how The Big Cat does it, and don't you ever forget it...."

Charlie Panther 2.0 - Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month
I was just not expecting to get captured and commanded so powerfully by a completely new version of Charlie Panther. I, for one, am desperately hoping that this was not a fluke. I'm aching to see the evidence that Charlie 2.0 is here to stay. Because if he is, God help the ranks of BG East who might find themselves in his path! And in the mean time, I won't soon forget how "The Big Cat" did it: earning the title as reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

2 comments:

  1. Helluva choice - unexpected but well-deserving. The guy just oozes attitude and domination - the body, the butt, the eyes, and that MOUTH! He could squash my ass any time! And sexy Tim Messina's unintended jobber role and his cries of agony - woof woof woof! Best over the knee backbreaker I've seen in a long time - the arch, the bulge, the sell, those legs - totally hot. This match gets me as boned as the Mac vs Exavier main event.

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  2. Thanks, Anon! Sounds like we had very similar responses to Pros in Private 9. Really excellent, entertaining, and hot pro wrestling!

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