Friday, January 25, 2013

Fuck Concessions

I love how technology and blogs have been increasingly bringing fans of homoerotic wrestling into closer proximity with homoerotic wrestlers.  The first time I read one of Joe's interviews with a wrestler, I was thrilled and inspired.  I'm sure there are clock punchers in the business, but the revelation that some of our favorite wrestlers-for-gay-eyes enjoy the attention and appreciate the celebrity they possess within our circle of interest somehow sweetens the pot of the homoerotic wrestling industry.  I think of the interviews I've had the opportunity to conduct as highlights of the labor of love that I invest in this blog.  They've brought a welcome sense of humor and humanity to the fantasies I treasure of homoerotic wrestling, and, unexpectedly, they've made me a fierce advocate for fans treating wrestlers with common decency and plenty of respect.

Rio Garza - BG East's Best Body of 2012
So when BG East's Best of 2012 poll came out, and even more when I thought about the results as they were announced, it made me wonder what the objects of our popularity polls think of being ranked, ordered, and lauded or looked over.  From the consumer side of homoerotic wrestling, I found the poll to be a very fun exercise in examining my own tastes in comparison with more than 500 or so other fans.  But from the wrestler side of things, I had to wonder what the boys themselves thought of the exercise. Any gloating?  Any hurt feelings?

Lon Dumont - Nominated for Top Heel, Best Body, Best Abs, Best Butt... but came out with a trophy
Hell YES!  Lon Dumont sent me a text demanding a recount.  I don't know if a recount would help, but I'm entirely with him on finding the results unsatisfying when it comes to recognizing what an insanely hot wrestler he is!  My hope is that, as he enters a new bodybuilding season in a few weeks, he'll take this defeat at the BG East polls and turn it into gold on stage, and then bring in his bodybuilding trophies and shove them, and his bulging biceps, in the face of his next opponent.

Cameron Matthews asks you to just look at this photo and explain his absence from the nominees for best abs and best body
One of Lon's buddies, Cameron Matthews, also was not pleased, despite anchoring Babyface Brawls 2, winner of best ring match.  Cameron made one of the most compelling arguments against his exclusion from the categories of best abs and best body by simply posting to his blog this fucking gorgeous photo of himself from his recent wrestling trip to the UK, in which his unbelievably hot six-pack was doused in oil and on awesome display.  Under the title "Best of 2012 Complaints," Cam reviews the slights and mistake of the pollsters themselves.  "Didn’t even make it into the finalist of Best Body 2012.  3rd Place as Top Babyface.  Not ranked amongst Best Abs.”  Even his razor thin loss to Kid Karisma in the Best Butt category merely inflamed Cameron's outrage, prompting him to demand a recount.  Personally, I think it's a stroke of pure genius that Cameron has apparently been inspired by this miscarriage of justice to commit himself to earning the title of Best Heel of 2013.  I'm wholeheartedly ready for him to earn my vote!

Eli Black won nearly everything he was nominated for... and still he's pissed!
Even the overwhelming winners at the polls seem a little irked at some of the subtleties of the voting and commentary.  I received this extensive text rant from Eli Black early yesterday morning, I'm sure at least in part in response to my gentle critique that Lon's abs might merit more credit than Eli's:
Trying to provoke Eli?!!!!! My abs are the very best abs in the wrestling seen these days!!!! 100% American Muscle!!!!! The votes were rigged!!!!! I won them all! I am the face wherever I go, hence why I am Mr. Primus, and I shutdown any compotition around me!!! Austin Cooper?!!! Kid Karisma?!!! For get about it! Eli Black all the way! I'm the champ, and no one's dethroning me. End of story. My abs are chiseled by God himself!!!!! Picture perfect! No one else could even hold my jock strap!!!!! You people like to forget this is Eli Black's world - y'all just live in it!
Hard to argue with, isn't it?  The mountain of exclamation points alone sort of beat you into submission similarly to the vicious beatings that Eli's been pounding into the bodies of his opponents as of late.  And seriously, what's to argue with?  Coop fans may want to quibble with the implication that Austin's Wrestler Spotlight shouldn't have garnered more votes than Eli's.  And I'm first in line to raise a skeptical eyebrow at Eli's suggestion that his truly astonishingly gorgeous ass is definitively superior to the world class glutes that belong to Best Butt winner Kid Karisma.  But Eli has a way about him of being so... persuasive.  And I'd give my left testicle for a chance to see Kid K and Eli go ass-on-ass in the ring until one of them is, literally, submissively holding the winner's sweat soaked jock strap.  But scoring wins as Best Debut of 2012, Best Abs, and starring in the Best Mat Battle of the year, it's hard to miss the ring of stark truth in Eli's words: It's Eli's world, people.  We just live in it!

A nod to the fans: Cameron Matthews is one of the many homoerotic wrestlers who appreciates being appreciated
Honestly, even with Eli's full court press of a rebuttal to the poll results and my needling, every wrestler I've heard from has clearly taken the year end poll as a good bit of fun that they're happy to be part of.  And I love that about this community!  Mix in homoeroticism, fanatical lust, larger than life personalities, drop dead gorgeous bodies, and a healthy dose of humor, and 2012 goes down in my book as a banner year for BG East and the entire homoerotic wrestling industry.

6 comments:

  1. Sorry, Eli, but you don't rank high in my preferences. And really, what's the point of condemning the tastes of BG fans? They're just subjective opinions, after all.

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    1. Not that Eli needs me to defend him, but I can confirm that for all his bluster and attitude, he's hugely appreciative of his fans. Since he won pretty much everything he was up for, clearly he's well within the mainstream of what BG East fans like, and he knows that. I think most of the ribbing was just to needle me back. His sense of humor is as wickedly pointed as his roundhouse kicks!

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  2. You bring up an interesting point, Bard. Even though I thought the poll was a great idea and way for the fans to be a lil more interactive, I couldn't help also thinking there was bound to be fall out.

    The awards based on looks--body, abs, butt--struck me as particularly dangerous. I voted for Rio Garza for best body (shocking!), but I half expected him to lose because other guys seem to get far more public praise. When he won, there was a massive "Yay!" from me. But a split second later, I was all, "Oh shit! Now he's got a target on his back." After all, the action awards aren't likely to generate a reaction from the wrestlers: all one can really do is fight harder, no pun intended (but totally desired, lol). But the looks awards, those are sure to generate a backlash.

    Objectively, there shouldn't be. Of all the wrestlers working the scene today, Rio's had by far the most success on the modeling tip. And with the massive amount of pictures and youtube videos about him all over the net, the award was almost a gimme. But with appearance being such a hot button issue and so many other wrestlers putting their time in to build their own phenomenal physiques, too, it's almost impossible to imagine one not feeling slighted, like Garza specifically "stole" the win from them personally. Considering he also won Best Jobber, I can only think there's suddenly a long, long list of guys itching to tear his now officially award winning body to shreds. I can almost feel Eli and Lon and even former jobber Cameron steaming to get at him.

    (Am I wrong for being excited about that?)

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    1. I think the fall out is 75% of the reason of why this poll was made!

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  3. I like that this poll proves that we all have different tastes, but BGE is pretty good at offering the variety. Just because your favorite didn't win, it doesn't mean you don't have the power to choose what you want to consume with your dollars. Eli, Jake and Austin are still my favorite trio and will likely buy/watch anything they're in. So I'm happy they favored well in this poll so that they'll continue to be pushed by BGE. But if it doesn't rock your boat, you don't have to buy it. There's still plenty of other selections to choose from covering all tastes.

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  4. How is it possible that Cameron is 100x hotter than he was when he debuted? He seriously looks twice as good as before everytime i see him. It's crazy.

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