I astonish myself just a bit by the fact that I have offered merely passing reference thus far to the newest new release by long standing favorite and perpetual favorite emeritus homoerotic wrestler around these parts, Mitch Colby.
|6'2, 205 lbs., my favorite homoerotic wrestler emeritus: Mitch Colby|
I have several possible excuses for this perplexing oversight. One possible excuse is that Cybertron's epic mauling and dismantling of luscious little Ronny Pearl on this DVD shockingly grabbed my attention and distracted me from giving the rest of the matches in Ringwars 21 their due. Another more cheeky excuse is that soon after its release, Cage Thunder gave Mitch's match against Skotch English some attention. Hell, Cage Thunder actually offers faint praise for Mitch, poured so tightly into those metallic blue trunks. "Giving credit where it's due," Cage writes, "the Bitch looks good." Faint praise from Cage Thunder for Mitch (who he affectionately refers to exclusively as Bitch) is equivalent to me tattooing Mitch's gorgeous face across my lower abdomen. And I cannot argue with Cage Thunder... Mitch looks very, very good. What more is there to say!?
|5'7" Skotch English looks way up at 6'2" Mitch Colby|
|Got your attention?|
He does an awfully decent job of grabbing Skotch's attention, as well. Skotch is a seriously dangerous, highly accomplished pro wrestler, so Mitch should probably have been warned not to showboat too, too much, too, too early. But all is forgiven (from me, anyway), at the sight of big, beautiful Mitch's schoolboy pin, his package resting on Skotch's chin, his sweaty, tanned, towering muscles flexing in a show of primal dominance.
|The perfect position|
Mitch is one big, stunning, experienced hunk of wrestler, so this is very legitimately a ring war and not a hunkbash. Mitch Colby on offense can be quite the juggernaut, and he makes the fireplug hurt. A lot. But what Skotch apparently lacks in a tongue offense, he makes up for in bringing the mighty giant low, applying liberal doses of withering trash talk, yanking those metallic trunks up Mitch's crack, snarling contempt and rage and humiliation into Mitch's body which visibly grows softer, more pliable, and less able to resist by the second.
I love a big, tanned, handsome, muscled babyface victory over the forces of evil every so often. I know; this merits scorn and shame from a large portion of homoerotic wrestling fans, but I've faced worse. Sprinkled throughout my fare, I love a handsome, dominant hero who is so technically proficient, so physically dominant, that he actually overcomes the treachery of a nasty heel and plants a boot in the loser's ass for all that's good and right. Without that touch to spice things up, the rest of pro wrestling fare could grow bland. This, however, is not that match (though Mitch has starred in his fair share of them). No, this is a match spotlighting the brutal humiliation and spoiling of a handsome hero. Skotch digs deep to pull out Mitch's hope in humanity and fair play by the roots. And the more Mitch suffers, the more his ass is on display, the more his sweat stains the mat as he's dragged from corner to corner by the last shreds of his dignity, the more I'm firmly cemented as a Mitch Colby fan (sorry Cage!).
|The ride of my life|
Mitch battling back, firing off one last blast of offense, shocking the heel with a rally and a rib crushing standing bearhug does nothing but accentuate the classic scope of this story. To be Skotch here, his crotch crushed against the mighty physique star lifting him off his feet, would truly be a fantasy. Those long, heavily muscled arms stretched around the fireplug's back crushing him against those formerly abused pecs, are the epitome of implicitly erotic homoerotic pro wrestling. Mitch's hot breath pumping against Skotch's neck, his sweaty torso primed and slick, that painfully pretty, insanely wide lat spread making Mitch's upper back look like he's sprouting wings... gorgeous, homoerotic wrestling drama!
|Conquered and powerless to resist|