Monday, June 3, 2013

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

Last month I skipped crowning a homoerotic wrestler of the month based on my fundamental lack of arousal at the overall offerings available in the new release homoerotic wrestling section in April.  Happily, I found several sweet treats in among new releases in May to give me some legitimate choices to elevate one wrestling hunk to the pantheon of my new release favorites.  There are several honorable mentions I want to note, including the phenomenal Marcus Ruhl who I went dizzy for in a review of his May 15 Naked Kombat match against Jeremy Stevens; Thunder's Arena's new most-phenomenal-ass-debut of Kid Titan going pec-to-pec with muscle monster Specimen in Rough and Ready 40; fratboy compact powerhouse Atom showing how mouthwatering a catch-weight crushing can be when he's owned by the massive muscles of massive Muscles in Battle Space 41; Brodie Fisher at Rock Hard Wrestling initiating a long, lean rook by the name of Colton Palmer in Boxing Gone Bad; as well as RHW's Josh Steel stealing my attention with that insanely tempting ass as he works over new kid Alex Waters in Out Muscled.  That's a seriously satisfying back bench of second-stringers, so I'm not saying a bad word about the state of the industry these days.  I am, however, saying some good words about a wrestler not among these also rans, who has tantalized and tempted me repeatedly over the past month to keep checking out his body and body of work.  My new reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month is...









... Naked Kombat's Will Parks.


5'11", 180 pounds, hot, handsome hunk Will "still waiting to punish" Parks
Will is one of the reasons I've resigned for yet another re-subscription to Naked Kombat after they lost my business when they, for all intents and purposes, went out of business a while back.  They're back, and now I'm back, and there's something a little surprising to me about the way that the image of young, handsome Will Parks keeps playing in my mind hours after I watch him wrestling his pick-up opponent John Jammen on May 8.  Clearly the kid is a hot hunk of meat, don't get me wrong.  He's 5'11", 180 lbs., and handsome as shit.  Of course I like the look of Will, particularly with a liberal dousing of sweat.  But there's something more that he brings to the table that I haven't entirely put my finger on.

A lot I'd like to put my finger on...
NK's new thing is to give all of their wrestlers sometimes forced also-known-as names, and for my new HWOTM, it's Will "the Punisher" Parks.  Ironically, with his loss to everyman opponent John "Jizz on Your Face" Jammen (see what I mean?) on May 8, "the Punisher" is running an 0-3 record at NK, proving that he's more likely to be punished than do the punishing.  Perhaps that something unfingered has to do with this combination of earnestness/Clark Kent sincerity along with his twice-fucked-and-back-to-fight-another-day vulnerability.

Will's muscle back and hot ass are in a league of their own on this mat.
That said, it's not exactly hard to imagine an opponent giving it a second thought when the day comes to actually face this beautiful hunk in a fuck-stakes mat tussle.  180 pounds doesn't convey the weight he carries as his sweaty chest heaves and the veins rise across his bulging forearms. On pluck and attitude, I don't doubt for a second the story that Will showed up for the NK taping to find his scheduled opponent didn't have the balls after all to risk the damage that "the Punisher" is determined to hand out to some lucky bastard destined to be his first get-out-of-jobberhood-free card.  They supposedly start the taping with Will ready to just lift his fist in victory with a smirk and a snide comment about the cowardly no-show, when off camera someone (two someone's actually) chime in to say that they'll take a crack at Will's gorgeous ass.  It's John Jammen who peels off his t-shirt first to take the mat, an untested, unknown quantity (like seriously, where did this dude come from?).

Beauty and the beast, and that's just what Will brings to the mat!
John is nowhere near the level of physical conditioning that porn athlete Will Parks is.  I mean, not a chance in hell.  I'd say there's a beauty and the beast aspect to this juxtaposition, but Will is both beauty and beast to John's much more run-of-the-mill body.  The drama has captured me by this point, as contrived as it may be.  I'm thinking to myself that the Punisher has finally met his first loser.  Jammen is 2 inches shorter and a reported 25 pounds lighter, though I'm skeptical because the boy carries a bit of a half-inflated tire around his midsection that's got to weigh him down more than the reported 155 pounds.

Will's hot body dominates the man off the street in round 1.

After round 1, my excitement to see hunky Will Parks get down to punishing is seriously stoked as he leads bench warmer John by 5 points.  Experience and strength seem to be showing. The kid's muscles pumped and glistening are just incredibly beautiful.

John knocks the Punisher on his ass to pull up to even.
Round 2 seems to start to turn the tide, in part aided by a sharp elbow strike to Will's forehead that leaves the wunderkind reeling.  John's strongest offense comes in racking up gratuitous NK points by sitting his ass down on Will's chest and molesting his tasty body.  Talk about drama.  He's pulled back to even to end the 2nd round with both kombatants tied at 32 a piece.

Will's over the top erotic suffering in round 3 seals the deal.
Round 3 is looking worse for the mysteriously alluring Will, at least at times.  I often think that NK points are a little like Olympic figure skating scores.  Honestly, this hardbodied porn athlete was owned by luckiest bastard on the planet John!?   I am a surprised as Will obviously is to learn that John outpaced him to take the entire match with a score of 52 to 46.  I suspect Will loses points he's legitimately earned by just looking so damn HOT when he suffers.  All that gorgeous, powerful, pumped muscle getting ground into the mat is such a hunkbash feast! I'd still seriously enjoy watching the punisher unleashed in round 4, but I could understand why an NK judge could be swayed by the promise of watching how sweetly Will gets crushed and owned in the sex round.

Will suddenly looks like the hot high school chump getting erotically bullied in the bathroom.
And, indeed, he's a goddamned artist on the receiving end of sexual domination!  Again, I'm getting close to fingering what it is about him that grabs me so hard here.  He goes from a young, hot hunk with a heaping helping of mature beef on his bones to looking like a barely legal muscle kid in way, way over his head, which is a compelling journey!  I am NOT a fan of bathroom sex.  I've got way too many OCD features (short of a diagnosis) to be fully engaged with a public restroom sex romp fantasy.  So I'm only lukewarm on rookie John's ownership of Will's hot, hot ass.  The hairpulling is definitely nice, no doubt...

Will gasps.
...as are the fishhooks.  Stretched out over the urinal, however, makes me think of nothing by a need for a can of lysol.  But fuck, fuck, fuck, Will crumbles and whimpers so damn hot!  There's a little taste of fear mixed with excitement along with a chaser of awe at his own physical response to his everyman conqueror.  This is a sweet elixir the Punisher mixes.

0 and 3 with NK, but #1 in my book: HWOTM Will Parks
John's post-match interview solidifies my impression that this guy just can't quite believe his luck in getting a crack at this match.  "I mean, he's a beautiful guy!," the goofy, overenthusiastic rookie gushes, looking over his shoulder at the porn athlete standing stone-faced behind him.  "And an amazing ass!," John adds, his eyes wide with sincerity.  When it's Will's turn, the interviewer tells him he did a hell of a job, and "you can't win them all."  "Yeah," Will grins, "but it would be nice to win one."  When the interviewer almost apologizes that they keep punishing the Punisher, Will shrugs like a classy dude and says, "It's okay. I think that I secretly really like it!"  Yes, Will?  Do tell!  When asked about the bathroom sex round, Will struggles to find the words.  "The bathroom, well, yeah," he says, looking around at the facilities. "It wasn't my favorite place to go, you know."  And perhaps in this post-match testimonial there are the elements the less than obvious allure of Will Parks for me.  He's got the heart of a jobber, but he's got standards.  He promises that he'll come back to NK, and I for one am waiting with baited breath.  In the mean time, he can sit that "AMAZING ass" down on the neverland throne (which is nowhere near the bathroom), because he may be 3 and 0 on the mat, but he's unquestionably on top of my list of wrestler's slapping down a favorite new release in May!

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