Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

Before I get to the really important business at hand, anyone have experience with WordPress that would be relevant as I consider migrating neverland there?  Let me know.

Now to the real issue that needs settling right away.  Who will lift the mantle of reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month off of the massively muscled shoulders of Naked Kombatant Will Parks and claim the title for the hottest wrestling release in June?  The field is deep, so I'll try to stick to the cream of the crop to give you the contenders who made it to my final round of consideration.  Starting with Will Park's bailiwick, Naked Kombat has been hit-or-miss since I signed back on, but bearded muscle daddy Landon "the Law" Conrad debuting drenched in oil against Alex Adams has sorted me out several times.  Over at Thunder's Arena, I've got a fast and furious crush on new meat Mr. Sean sporting his own five o'clock shadow and looking like an Abercrombie boy ripped from a politically incorrect billboard ad to face in very short order no fewer than 4 opponents over the playtime of Bodyspace 44 and Bodyspace 47.  In Muscle Domination Wrestling's VIP lounge, there's a double-team made in heaven, featuring Damien and Master Kevin together working their beautiful muscles in tandem all over the luckiest son of a bitch on the planet in Duo Cop 'N' Jerk (also check out their cruel, cruel teaser for upcoming Season 4 matches!).  BG East's Catalog 99.1 packs the field of contenders, so  I have to be brutal in narrowing down the very top of the heap that vied for my lustful attention, starting with perennially dangerous favorite and current title holder for overall favorite homoerotic wrestler, Lon Dumont, pushing and getting pushed to the edge of consciousness against Paul Hudson in Knock Outs 2.  My fantasy come true match, Tag Team Torture 16, puts up potentially the most powerful tag team contenders (for my affections), Christian Taylor and Skip Vance, who have their hands and mouths full with the likes of villainous brute, Morgan Cruise.  In a bodybuilder bonanza possibly the likes of which have never been seen before in the ring, both Chace LaChance and Braden Charron are unbelievably muscle-beautiful gladiators in the Summer Sizzler's Bonus Match.  From Mat Hunks 9, newcomer (but NOBODY'S rookie) Vic Madone has been haunting my dreams for his work brutalizing lovely Ray Naylor, 3-time HWOTM Eli Black and former HWOTM Cameron Matthews make it incredibly difficult to decide who to root for, and long-time favorite emeritus and former HWOTM Mitch Colby may never have looked sexier (on the mat, at least) than when paired with my longtime simmering crush, delectably sexy Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmm, Rafe!!!!).  So, clearly, no one is a loser when it comes to the quality homoerotic wrestling pumped out in June, least of all me (and you).  You can swing a sweaty jock strap without slapping in the face an incredibly sexy, totally legitimate contender for the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month.  There's no wrong answer to this question, but after sweating it out and studying the evidence extensively, I've decided there is, however, a very, very correct answer as to who is the new homoerotic wrestler of the month...








Rafe makes me swoon just by stretching out!
Rafe Sanches (mmmmmmm, Rafe....) oozes sex.  It doesn't matter who he's wrestling or what the context, his presence exponentially increases the erotic in a match until I (and typically, he) explodes.  How has Rafe failed to sit on the HWOTM throne before?  There's a considerable mystery to that question that I can't quite explain, because I'm a big, big booster.  One likely factor is that as incredibly pleasing as his wrestling has been, his releases have come out at the same time as some barn burner chart toppers that have edged him out of the top spot.  A series of just plain bad luck for Rafe could be a legitimate explanation for how he has owned my lusts so entirely and yet remained title-less.

Rafe's hands are full with powerful muscleman, Mitch Colby.
Then again, another potential thumb on the scales may also be that Rafe has frequently been eerily quiet, sometimes even silent when he wrestles.  For a wrestling fanatic like me that can live for days off of nothing but highly charged erotic banter of two wrestlers before they ever make physical contact, an ominously silent hunk, however kinetically erotic, is at a disadvantage.  His Mat Hunks 9 appearance, however, features Rafe in clear, perfectly pitched voice, taunting, snarling, and snapping at Mitch with a quickness and confidence that leaves me shaking my head that this luscious mat hunk has been so quiet in the past.

Big Mitch taunts Rafe relentlessly.
Okay, it also doesn't hurt a wrestler's homoerotic appeal to go toe to toe with the likes of my very first-to-be-crowned favorite homoerotic wrestler, Mitch Colby.  Mitch is sliced to hell, sporting the leanness that makes me gasp and earns him an extra snarl of contempt from longtime "rival," heel extraordinaire (and also former HWOTM) Cage Thunder.  Cage has gone on the record giving Mitch the barest of grudging respect for his work when he's beefed up, but against Rafe, he's tanned, toned, and the leanest slice of beef imaginable.  An opponent could pale in comparison, of course.  But despite being several shades lighter in complexion, Rafe absolutely holds is own and somehow his exponential sexiness quotient multiples many times over when juxtaposed against (and especially writhing in the grasp of) gorgeous Mitch (that's a lot of math to say, fuck, Rafe and Mitch are an insanely hot pairing!).

Rafe gets swallowed up between Mitch's ripped thighs.
Cage Thunder has long rhetorically slammed Mitch for his long record of beating up on smaller guys, so fully expect he may chime in again to point to this newest evidence.  Mitch's physique dwarfs Rafe.  Mitch is just a couple of inches taller, but packing on about 25 pounds more muscle than his lean, smooth challenger.  Again, a less apt opponent could get completely overshadowed by Mitch's display of power and dominance.  Not so, Rafe.

"Same fucking move every time!!!"
Rafe gets pissed off in this match.  Have we ever seen Rafe pissed off?  I can't remember seeing it, and the sight is so fucking hot that I have to think I'd have remembered.  Mitch swallows him up, going again and again to squeezing the air and will out of Rafe with various parts of his body trapped between Mitch's massive thighs.  Rafe gets fucking fed up with Mitch taking the path of least resistance, turning again and again to scissors to sit back and expend minimal effort in squeezing out one submission after another.  "Same fucking move every time!" Rafe snaps furiously, rubbing his head and checking to make sure his skull is in tact.  Now, I don't fault Mitch for wracking up a boatload of submissions with the same hold.  Fuck, I'd clean his pool for a month for the chance to feel those tree trunks wrapped around me over and over again.  But the magic that he works on Rafe is inspired, as typically quiet Rafe gets angrier, chattier, and more determined than ever to grab hold of some sweet revenge.

Rafe dishes out a taste of what Mitch has been serving.
Perhaps it's the hint of Cage Thunder in this match that pushes Rafe way over the edge for my lustful tastes as well.  Mitch taunts him when he's scored 3 unanswered submissions.  Rafe sits back and studies the beautiful beast in front of him for a moment before responding, "Yeah, rub it in Bitch... um, I mean Mitch!"  Holy shit, did Rafe Sanchez just signal that he's learned a thing or two from Cage Thunder!?  It's Cage who has relentlessly refused to call Mitch anything but Bitch Colby for years.  Suddenly, despite being down 3 falls, Rafe seems instantly more dangerous, more compelling, and... holy shit is it possible.... sexier!

Mitch's cocky cock-pin.
Rafe and/or Cage Thunder fans will already know that these two have very notoriously met in wrestling action before.  They collided in the BG East ring, and the overt, explicit erotic intent of both studs burned my retinas just a tad.  As one might expect, Cage Thunder owned lovely Rafe in the end, or, more accurately, owned his crotch as he sat on Rafe's unmasked face and insisted that the graceful, smooth stud pound out a submission-emission.  I'm guessing after that match, there were words exchanged, perhaps a little advice shared from the veteran to the ever-ready lean sex machine.  Somewhere, Rafe picked up Cage's disparaging nomenclature for Mitch.  And somehow, when Rafe slaps down the taunt right smack in the middle of his mat match against Mitch, it feels to me like almost a 2-on-1 opens up, putting my longtime infatuation with Mitch at a distinctly unfair double-team advantage.

"Payback's a bitch, pussy!"
Rafe gets some revenge in the match that I savor with a pause-and-slow-motion treatment.  Mitch has taunted and humiliated him repeatedly, flexing his top-tier fuckable muscles in Rafe's face relentlessly.  So when Rafe turns the tables, plants his own fine, fine, fine ass on Mitch's face and pumps his own lean, powerful biceps, I'm absolutely sold.  "You think you can handle this!?" Rafe taunts him disbelieving.  Powerful Mitch flat on his back with his lips planted between Rafe's cheeks is an epic sight to see. "You crazy or something!?" Rafe taunts, in an even more epic moment to hear. "Payback's a bitch, pussy!!!"

Mitch grinds Rafe's face hard and deep.
Damn, damn, damn!!!!  It takes a whole lot to hold my gaze with Mitch Colby on the screen, but the second half of this match, I'm absolutely entranced with Rafe.  Fuck me if I wouldn't actually give up the chance to get repeatedly crushed between Mitch's thighs for the chance to aggressively tongue bathe ever inch of Rafe's baby smooth body.  His revenge is fleeting, popping up once or twice more before the end, but that angry frustration, that contemptuous disdain for the mighty muscle man climbing back on top is sweet as honey (speaking of which, let me add a lathering of honey to that aggressive tongue batch fantasy of mine).  Rafe hurts, a lot.  He agonizes, crushed and twisted and pried apart in the big muscleman's accomplished hands.  And never, not once, does he let his slow boiling rage wane for an instant, no matter how overwhelmed and outmuscled he becomes.  He's snarling and snapping stubbornly, forcing Mitch to absolutely lay waste to him, drain his tank of every last ounce of willpower and strength, leave him so obliterated that Rafe can't pick his head up off the mat, much less continue to fight on, before Mitch can finally declare he's bought Rafe's body for keeps.

Rafe oozes sexiness!!!!
It's not like I've ever failed to be wildly turned on by Rafe Sanchez (mmmmmm, Rafe....).  But his personality shines through in Mat Hunks 9.  His lust for dominating a muscleman is unmistakable. His nerve, grit, and defiance of the numbers are incredibly compelling.  And more than ever before, he tells a story... a seriously sexy, incredibly homoerotic wrestling tale that makes me (like Mitch) sweat profusely and launches all sorts of personal fantasies starring me, showing up moments after Mitch exists the sun room, leaving a wasted, demoralized, stunningly beautiful Rafe behind for me to find.  Good work, Mitch.  Absolutely stunning work, Rafe.  Set that beautiful, lean ass down on the thrown as my newest homoerotic wrestler of the month!

June 2013 Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month: Rafe Sanchez

1 comment:

  1. Ah, Rafe. My only regret about our match is it didn't last longer.

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